Why Opposites Don’t Always Attract: Relationship Truths

Is the popular belief that ‘opposites attract’ based on fact or fiction? We all know couples who seem impossibly mismatched yet appear happy and content together. Do our differences create excitement and intrigue or does the novelty of being with someone so dissimilar to ourselves ultimately wear off? At Matchmakers, we have been exploring the complexities of relationships and asking whether the long-term reality of a relationship built on opposing values, beliefs and lifestyles is far more challenging than romantics would have us believe. What forms the foundation of lasting relationships? Our shared traits, or our differences?

The Myth of Opposites Attracting

Meeting someone very different to us can create a sense of excitement and novelty. Connecting with someone who challenges our perspectives and introduces us to new situations, thoughts and ideas can feel very stimulating. In many cases, these feelings can be intoxicating, creating a sense of adventure and ‘newness’. We may have been drawn to someone who possesses the qualities we feel we are lacking. A watchful person may be drawn to a spontaneous adventurer. An introverted person may be attracted to an outgoing extrovert.

During the ‘honeymoon period’ couples often experience periods of blind infatuation. The differences between them may seem charming, quirky, and complementary during these heady, early days. It can feel as though each person is bringing something unique and interesting to the table.

When Differences Become Dealbreakers

There comes a time in every couple’s journey when infatuation wears off and the realities of day-to-day life set in. What was previously seen as a charming, free-spirited nature may now be seen as irresponsibility. Quiet contemplation could be perceived as a lack of anything interesting to say.

The Role of Core Values in Relationship Longevity

Similar values, beliefs and lifestyles are the fundamental foundations of most healthy relationships, without them, intimacy and understanding may struggle to develop.

Let’s imagine a partnership where one person is careful with money and likes to save. The other likes to spend in a more carefree manner and runs out of money by the end of every month. Initially, this may not seem to be a problem but later, tension may arise leading to stored resentment and serious disagreements, particularly if financial pressures arise. Similarly, couples with different levels of career success and motivation may find themselves lacking common ground. It may be difficult to reconcile conflicting needs and wants.

The Science of Compatibility: What Truly Matters?

At Matchmakers, we believe that while couples do not have to be identical to succeed, true compatibility goes beyond surface level wish lists. It’s about aligning core values, beliefs and life goals. Deep similarities form the basis of lasting, strong relationships, providing shared understanding and respect.

Key Areas of Compatibility to Consider

Values

Do you share similar beliefs about what is important in life, such as friends and family, career, personal growth, or spirituality? Discrepancies in core values can lead to fundamental disagreements that are difficult to resolve.

Lifestyle

Are your lifestyles compatible? Do you enjoy similar activities and social settings? While some dissimilarities are manageable, significant differences in lifestyle can create friction and limit shared experiences.

Communication Style

Do you communicate effectively with each other? Are you able to express your needs and feelings in a healthy way? Communication is crucial for resolving conflicts and building intimacy.

Emotional Intimacy

Are you able to connect emotionally with your partner? Do you feel understood and supported? Emotional intimacy is essential for creating a deep and meaningful connection.

Life Goals

Are you on the same page when it comes to your future? Do you share similar aspirations for your career, family, and personal life? Conflicting life goals can lead to major conflicts down the road.

Finding a Partner Who Complements You, Not Completes You

Our Dating Coaches often find themselves explaining to clients that the idea that a partner will ‘complete’ us is a common misconception. Healthy relationships enhance and enrich our lives, but it is important to remember that we are each responsible for our own happiness and well-being. Relying on a partner to fill a void within ourselves is not only unfair and unrealistic but also sets us up for disappointment.

Instead of seeking someone who is our ‘opposite,’ we believe that it is healthier to focus on finding someone who ‘complements’ our personality. This means finding someone who shares our core values and life goals, while also bringing their own unique strengths and perspectives to the table. A healthy relationship is one where both partners are secure and independent individuals, who choose to come together to share their lives.

The Role of Shared Interests in Building Stronger Bonds

While core values and life goals are essential for long-term compatibility, shared interests and hobbies can also play a significant role in creating a strong connection. Having things in common provides opportunities for shared experiences and creates a solid friendship – the bedrock of any intimate relationship. Whether it's running, cooking, attending gigs, or simply enjoying Netflix and a takeaway together, shared interests can strengthen the bond between two people and create lasting memories.

Compromise: The Secret to Making Differences Work

Even in the most compatible relationships, differences will inevitably arise. The key is to approach these differences with a willingness to compromise. It's important to be willing to actively listen to your partner's perspective, even if you don't agree with it, and to find solutions that work for both of you. Accepting that your partner is a unique individual with their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences is crucial for building and maintaining a healthy and respectful relationship.

While the initial spark of attraction is important, it is never enough to sustain a long-term relationship. True compatibility is about more than physical attraction or shared interests. It's about aligning on core values, communicating effectively, and building a foundation of mutual respect and understanding. It's about finding someone who not only attracts you but also complements you on a deeper level.

So, while the idea of opposites attracting might make for a good rom-com storyline, the reality is that compatibility is the key to falling in love. By focusing on shared values, life goals, and communication styles, we can increase our chances of finding a romantic partner who truly complements us and with whom we can build a happy and fulfilling life. It's not about finding someone who is our exact copy, but someone who shares our vision for the future and wants to walk alongside us.

Beyond Physical Attraction: The Foundation of Lasting Love

Physical attraction is often the initial spark that lights a romantic connection. An attractive smile, a shared glance, the excitement of physical touch, the anticipation of a first date – these can all be powerful catalysts. However, relying solely on physical attraction as the foundation of a relationship is never a sensible strategy. While a strong physical attraction might be appealing initially, it lacks the substance and stability to create a lasting bond.

The appeal of physical beauty is fleeting. A relationship built on looks alone will struggle to survive. Superficial attraction fades, leaving a void if deeper connections haven't been established. What happens when the initial excitement wears off and the physical ‘spark’ dims? Without shared values, compatible personalities, and emotional intimacy, the relationship can crumble.

Focusing solely on physical attraction can lead to overlooking crucial character traits. Kindness, empathy, humour, and intelligence are qualities that contribute to long-term happiness and relationship satisfaction. Ignoring these in favour of superficial appeal can result in developing feelings for someone who is emotionally unavailable, disrespectful, or incompatible in fundamental ways.

A lasting relationship requires more than just physical appreciation. It demands emotional connection, intellectual stimulation, and shared values. This is the foundation of true compatibility, creating emotional intimacy, building trust, and mutual respect. While physical attraction is an important element of a romantic relationship, it's the deeper connection that sustains a relationship through life's ups and downs. A fulfilling partnership is built on a foundation of shared experiences, mutual support, and a genuine appreciation for who the other person is, beyond their physical appearance.

How Personal Matchmaking Can Help You Find Lasting Love

At Matchmakers, our personal matchmakers look for strong elements of compatibility between potential couples. Our members are asked to share their values, goals, and partner preferences to help us develop an understanding of who they are and the kind of partner they are looking for. While professional matchmakers ask their members to remain open-minded during the journey, so that they are not closed off to wonderful, potential partners, preferences are always considered. Successful matchmaking relies upon balancing common traits with intriguing differences.

If you are genuinely single and would like to find a partner who is perfect for you, our experienced membership advisers would love to hear from you. Our team offers an alternative to online dating, providing discretion and peace of mind. Our members’ profiles never appear online; your safety and privacy are our priority. All of our members are interviewed by an experienced member of the team and agree to ID checks. As a member of Matchmakers, you will have your own, personal matchmaker rooting for you to find love. Take the stress out of your search for a new relationship by calling us today on 0800 644 4130, or by filling out our contact form.

We look forward to hearing from you!