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In the past dating tended to be either a string of casual affairs or a part of a journey towards a long lasting relationship involving moving in together or possibly even marriage. However there is a new dating trend we see emerging today of the ’stay-over relationship’.

With juggling work, family and other demands upon us it seems it no longer suits all of us to be permanently under one roof with another person and when income levels allow, it can be the best of both worlds to share some of our leisure time but not necessarily share all those more mundane times in-between. There is something very appealing in knowing that the weekend holds some romance and quality time with a partner and of course we can fit in all those little chores during the week, clearing the decks to really enjoy the company of someone special. You can leave a spare toothbrush in the bathroom, perhaps a change of clothes in the wardrobe, but you both get to maintain your separateness and keep your own place for a little private space all for yourself or maybe for you and other family members.

To many this seems the ideal arrangement - an exclusive sexual partner to sleep with, someone to holiday with and to go out with but not extending things to the mundane aspects of really living together, such as agreeing on home improvements, who puts out in bin, who mows the lawn or who runs around with the hoover. And if it doesn’t work out, far less messy than untangling lives from fully living together.

As a woman I can see the appeal. One of the few bonuses of my divorce was an end to having to press all those pure cotton shirts and no longer cooking steak and kidney pie when I wanted salad! Certainly when it does suit both parties this arrangement can keep the romance humming along very nicely and we can all be more easily on our best behaviour if we know that we can slip off regularly to let it all hang out in our private time. But can it really work for a long term, happy relationship?

It all depends if the arrangement suits both parties and continues to be the preferred option of both. Our advice would be to do what works best for you as a couple and above all, keep open that all important communication so both of you feel comfortable with talking about how you feel and letting your partner know what you want as well as listening to their needs too. Keeping communication channels open is always the best policy. And bear in mind that what seems to work for now may need to be re-evaluated in the future.

Lots of the relationships we help to create as matchmakers move to becoming a ‘stay-over’ relationship but quite often it is a transitory phase and we see many of our happy couples embracing more time together after deciding that they want more than a part-time relationship, but for others it is the ultimate relationship and the arrangement stands the test of time.

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